he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
