Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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