so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
