well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
