My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
