i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
