Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
