There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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