Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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