We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
