:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
