Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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