You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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