so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
