Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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