You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
