His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
