I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
