I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
