Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
