Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
