yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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