I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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