Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
