I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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