I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
