Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just had sex on a roof
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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