I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
