Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
