Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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