I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
