I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
