i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I didn't notice because vodka
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
