I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
