Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
