if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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