saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
