I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
