I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
