Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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