i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
