@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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