when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
