I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
