didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
please don't ironically join a cult
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