Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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