Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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