Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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