just come out here and I will go home with you...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
