Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
