I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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